No one can assure me like you did.

No one can love you like I always will.

Call me, and we’ll never feel alone anymore.

How I miss our movie nights, sleepovers, car rides at night with your music as our soundtrack, and meal dates. You were the best company ever.

Sound to sleep, safe and sound now. Only good dreams, none of those time-consuming nightmares. All safe with my own arms now that your arms holding someone else’s. It’s alright still at night, still with all my might. Eyes closed, body still, but my heart will always beat for you, sweetheart.

Notes noted to myself for you

Dear You,

Yes, this is the fifth letter. No doubt your eyes won’t read like our eyes don’t reflect anymore. However, I’ve learned not to dwell on these past reflections anymore. I can miss all of our good times and hell, maybe even some of our bad times, but I know we’re not there anymore. The words I used to be able to tell you, I can’t anymore. It’s not because I don’t want. Heaven knows, I do. I just know it isn’t right nor the same. You have a girlfriend and so what if it’s not me? I’m fine. I really am this time. There are times I still wish we were friends. There are still times I regret the chances I turned down and the foolish actions I did to you. I knew what was too much and what was too dumb, but I ignored it. I pushed you around and around til you pushed me back…off the cliff. I needed the fall though to appreciate the flight you gave and the surprised forgiveness you also handed me. We both made our wrongs, and we didn’t care much on who was right. Speaking of appreciation, my heart is spilling it out for you. I still stand by with saying, you’re a rare breed. Boys like you don’t exist anymore. We may not be friends anymore, but I’ll be thankful for what you were to me and what you are. You showed me I can grow apart from someone, I originally wanted to grow with but it doesn’t make me any less grown up that we’re not. As they said in “The Wonder Years”, growing apart does help with growing together. Even this means no more sleepovers or music/movie bonding, it happens. DIstance happens. Separations happen. You showed me sometimes, people do come back too. They just don’t always come back the same way. You’re not a stranger nor a friend. You’re not somebody I used to know, but you are someone that I will always be fond of you. Dare I say too, “even after all this time”?

I guess the same was with us. My only hard last goodbye came with my feared first hello.

When he talks to every other single person and still ignores me like I’m a walking plague:

In whose universe did I screw up the worst when I treated you the best?

I want to go back to

the night when we watched “Harold and Maude” then part of “The Vicious Kind” together. I fell asleep by your feet then you went to bed shortly after. We awoke to go to brunch and dinner together the next day. I felt so safe and special. I want to go back. I want to feel that way again. I want us to be together again. I miss the days you were mine.

You love the dead,

and I loved how you made me feel more alive.

There is always something with the lateness of nights

that brings me back to the good times we shared together, the days we thought forever was more than temporary.

When it’s time to let go,

you’ll know it by the denial you choose to give the situation.

But tell me now,

where was my fault In loving you with all my heart?

To have and to hold

for all time.Never let go and never give up. To love always and to cherish forever. To remember each other for what we are and to encourage what we will become. To not hold back past mistakes and let go of bitter regrets. To grow together and hope every embrace to last long than a little while.

I still miss you sometimes,

even when I know we have both moved on. To think, we used know each other so well and were close.

— Mignon McLaughlin, The Complete Neurotic’s Notebook

— Haruki Murakami